1993’s Jurassic Park is one of my favorite movies of all time, and also the inspiration for the best parenting and teaching advice I have to give.
Remember this guy?
Remember when he introduces the velociraptors to the crew of park visitors by explaining how crafty they are?
“They’re extremely intelligent. Even problem-solving intelligent. . .that one, when she looks at you, you can see she’s working things out. That’s why we have to feed them like this. She had them all attacking the fences when the feeders came.”
“But the fences are electrified, right?”
“That’s right, but they never attack the same place twice. They were testing the fences for weaknesses, systematically. They remember.”
If you have a toddler or a middle schooler in your life, you have a velociraptor on your hands. And you, my friend, are the electric fence.
It is not just normal for toddlers and tweenagers to test boundaries—it’s developmentally necessary. They have to do it in order to figure out how to exist in the world. They have to learn what’s acceptable and what is not. Everyone needs parameters in order to be functional; no one likes to feel hesitant, uncertain, and adrift. Unfortunately for their parents’ patience, kids suss out those limits by—like a velociraptor—systematically attacking them, over and over, in a million different places, to determine whether they’ll hold.
Our job is to keep the electricity flowing steadily. That doesn’t mean responding to the tenth attempt to scale the bookcase in twenty minutes with a literal zap, obviously—it just means the fence has to hold every single time. In every place your raptor tries, they need to find that the fence is just as secure, the limit just as clear as it was yesterday (or, you know, nine minutes ago). Kids are incredibly perceptive, and if you don’t do everything you can to maintain your fence…
Ask A Teacher
I have a seventh grade daughter who is struggling in school. She’s doing great on tests and quizzes, but she’s failing to complete many assignments in class or outside of school, which has affected her grades such that she’s on track to receive 2 Fs, a D-, and a B. I’m trying to help her focus and get her work done, but it’s a struggle every night. My problem is that she has significant medical issues, including a chronic illness that is poorly managed and can have cognitive as well as life-threatening physical effects. For years, I’ve been trying to get her to control it better, but it’s a constant stressor on her and on me, and she’s not cooperative. I hate the idea that homework has to be another battleground for us when we already have this routine clash over her medical care.
Is it wrong of me to decide that the homework question can wait a few years?
I answered this question in the column this week, plus advice about a student who wore an offensive costume to School Spirit Week, an overly inquisitive teacher asking invasive questions, and the difference between Ms. and Mrs.
Recommendations
Here is another workhorse recipe in our house: crispy gnocchi with sweet corn, basil, and zucchini. Most of the ingredients will already be in the house, it uses one pan, it’s ready in around thirty minutes, and the crispy-chewy gnocchi and sweet corn kernels reliably entice our kids to eat it.
My household is awaiting the release of Frozen II with breathless anticipation. Certain members of my household, in their fervor, have also suckered other certain members of my household into buying an updated set of Frozen costumes, because how could one possibly settle for wearing the OLD Elsa dress when there is a NEW Elsa dress to be had? This interesting article, about how the design team conceptualized all the details of Anna & Elsa’s new looks, took some of the sting out of paying $35.99 for a second, slightly different sparkly blue gown. (Also, I don’t think I quite realized until I read this that Elsa’s clothes are supposed to be made of ice.)
In my quest to finish reading the National Book Award finalists before the ceremony on November 20th, I just finished Thirteen Doorways, Wolves Behind Them All, and it blew me away. It’s set in World War II-era Chicago, in a German Catholic orphanage, and narrated by a ghost named Pearl as she both grapples with memories of her prior life and watches a young teenager named Frankie try to find her way in the world. It’s moody and mysterious and sad and hopeful, and it’s about family and memory and the unique punishments the world doles out to young girls. I loved it, and though I still have a few more books to go, I’m pulling for this one.
Speaking of National-Book-Award-shortlisted novels narrated by ghosts, Far Far Away has stayed with me long after I finished it in 2015. This one is told from the perspective of the ghost of Jacob Grimm (of the Brothers Grimm) as he watches out for a teenager named Jeremy. Just like the fairy tales originally authored by Brothers Grimm, this book takes a surprisingly dark and frightening turn, and I remember being glued to the couch, unable to tear myself away from the final act. Highly recommend.
Escapism of the Week: I will not tell you how many color-by-numbers pictures I have created in the less-than-24-hours since I downloaded the app Happy Color, because it’s frankly embarrassing. I am really not one for iPhone games, usually, but this one is so meditative and relaxing that I can’t stop. You choose from an endless library of intricate line drawings and tap tap tap tap tap tap tap all the little numbered segments to gradually fill in the picture with color. That’s it. Turn your brain off and enjoy.
Get in touch to tell me your very favorite part of the many many many great parts of Jurassic Park:
Email: extracredit.newsletter@gmail.com
Twitter: @carrie_AB_